• Tiye Naeemah Cort

Into The Woods

Updated: Apr 21, 2018

Is this Paper Boi’s mama?

Yes for her humming “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms” He got a church-going mama! So... she came to the house, saw this disarray, but left him right there sleeping on the couch?

Aww, look at Earn checking in on his cousin. That’s how you start a phone call. Check in, then talk about business.

I think Paper Boi is depressed, y’all, but I live for Darius rocking these aprons like the housewife friend that he is. He just learned how to make pasta in a dream, people. He’s doing big thangs.

All this bumming around and Paper Boi still has a girlfriend? Dudes are out here winning without even trying, huh? AND she picked him up in her car? She’s just driving him around?

Darius actually put his foot in the pasta, though. NOT OK.

OK, so Paper Boi’s girlfriend used to be a “dancer.” I’m just wondering why her car windows are so dirty. Now they’re throwing verbal jabs, but Paper Boi is low-key serious. Ha.

His song comes on the radio, he’s feeling like his old famous self again, she’s feeling the track. All is well. And then they walk into what looks like a Ralph Lauren store. There is a suede jacket on the mannequin, my G. Wait, should managers be getting their clients free merchandise? What free merch can Earn possibly get Paper Boi when they're not making money because Paper Boi isn't doing anything?

No white employee at the store volunteers to help the black girl with the purple weave. Shocking. So she is hood-famous, just like her man. Paper Boi done found his match! Is it weird that I think it’s cute that they are gettin couples pedicures? I feel Paper Boi on that ticklish spot with the pedicures. And I feel "purple hair" on her anger when the pedicurists started speaking another language to each other. I don’t know if I would start getting loud while they were working on my feet, though. Leave a comment once it comes time to pay the tip, ma.

“Everybody wanna be a black girl, but the black girls ain’t making no money from it.” Ain’t that the truth.

This discussion about Instagram is so real. “That weird ass fake shit” is exactly what so many people try to tap into to get paid. Paper Boi brought up good points here: Do y’all put on these fake Insta personalities because your real lives are that boring? Chile.

OK, so he gets a text from an unnamed number while sitting in the parking lot eating a burger. Is this another girlfriend?

Oh no, he ran into a few more fans while walking down some random road. This is a random road… what are these kids doing down here? Are they walking from that Oldsmobile-looking car? Wow, they really tried to jump Paper Boi! Are you kidding me? When keeping it real goes wrong, huh?

Man, I can’t believe Paper Boi is just trying to live his life, and haters are out here really trying to kill him for it. I always wondered what happens after you get jumped, do you just wait for the right time, hop up, and find your way home? They never show the details of that journey in television, so I’m glad they showed this.

A dead deer? Yuck. Now he’s hearing someone humming and talking… and he has a creepy laugh. Paper Boi is clearly talking to a crazy dude who is just a little scary. This man has some serious issues, but I like that Paper Boi is hood smart enough to know how to deal with a crazy person. He spoke to him the way you talk to a crackhead. Very sane and direct, but you just have to go about your business.

I’m a bit confused as to why it is now nightfall and Paper Boi is still in the woods. He never found his way back to the road? Aww man, crazy dude is back. Didn’t he tell him not to follow him? It’s the dead deer again. He’s been walking in circles. How about asking the crazy dude how to get back to the road?

Paper Boi’s new name is “Deer Guts.” So now the woods is this crazy dude’s “house.” It is crazy how much wisdom this man is speaking to Deer Guts. One thing the hood will teach you is that conversations with a crazy person are filled with gems of wisdom. Paper Boi has been lying around the house Lawrence-style, and it took two death threats in one episode to get him to think about getting up and doing something with his life. This is trippy. Paper Boi is in tears now after making it out of the woods just in time, and now I hope he is finally heading home.

But first a beverage, right? Gotta get that blue drink. My man looks a hot mess. Swollen eye, bloody, dirty shirt, and now... another fan. At least he’s still recognizable… and still keeping it real. Taking pics with this teenager, but Lord knows the caption is gonna be something crazy.

I'm kind of mad that the episode ended that way. Does Paper Boi make it home and get back on the couch?Does he finally look at the paperwork that Earn sent him? Does he decide to taste the pasta that Darius worked so hard to put his foot into? I need answers.

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